


I’m Paralysed with the way you are

by LozisLaw



Category: South Park
Genre: Awkward Crush, Awkward Tension, Chases, Denial of Feelings, Drabble, Falling In Love, Hiding, High School, Idiots in Love, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mindless Fluff, Mutual Pining, Panic, Panic Attacks, Running Away, Song Lyrics, Songs, Soulmates, Staring, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:28:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23296270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LozisLaw/pseuds/LozisLaw
Summary: There’s not a thing that I would change...And now I’m stuck.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Comments: 17
Kudos: 67





	1. Paralysed

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in the middle of the night, listening to Paralyzed by Mystery Skulls. The ideas came, and next thing you know...

He’s been unable to get the song out of his head for days now. It’s not typically the kind of thing he listens to, but something about the lyrics caught at his brain somehow, and now he can’t decipher, or forget them. Usually it doesn’t bother him, he’s had to endure many annoying buzzes in his ear for his whole life, and so far has found no way to get rid of them. Trust him, he’s tried. It never, ever works out for him.

The song is called Paralysed, by Mystery Skulls. He’s not even that familiar with the band. It was just some of the lyrics that catches him off guard sometimes, stumping him at moments during the day when he least expects it.

_I never knew, just what I wanted_

And what does it even mean? It’s not like Kyle can relate to the words as though he’s paralysed or anything. He’s fine.

_I still don’t know it’s all the same_

He shut his locker in a huff, thinking about the words again. It’s not like he has stuff to do, no. School isn’t important, he can put some useless words above his education, of course. Bullshit.

The very idea that he’s transfixed on this petty thing is irritating in the worst sense possible. Why should he be anyway? He’s not a slave to music, he has self-respect. He doesn’t follow lyrics like a personal message leading to one’s true love, that’s for children. Kyle is 15 years old, basically an adult already, if his religion has anything to do with it. He doesn’t have to do this, he’s just lacking control.

It’s not even a big deal, he’s got a song stuck in his head. Big deal. He’s just being melodramatic, as though something big will happen based on a foretelling by a fucking song. It’s not even that good. The goths would probably like it, or maybe Stan. He’s into sucky emo trash. It was entirely an accident that he even heard it, it just came on the radio in his mom’s car on the way to school, one of the rare days she could take him instead of catching the bus. He was about to change it, annoyed with the depressed tone, but the chorus came on, and Kyle was frozen in place, like some outside force had restrained him, and made him listen to the rest.

Okay, maybe that was dramatic, maybe he just listened to the rest on his own. Maybe he downloaded the song on his phone afterwards. Maybe he’s been listening to it every night since he discovered it. Maybe.

Kyle was heading down the hallway, towards class, humming the song under his breath, against his will. He caught sight of Stan, walking over from the other side of the hallway. He smiled upon seeing him, as usual, or at least until Stan saw him and their eyes met. Kyle froze in place, clutching his books in his arms. He couldn’t move.

_You got me hypnotised_

Kyle’s cheeks burned an intense shade, but he remained motionless, stuck staring at Stan as he came closer. His eyes were wide and alert, and he couldn’t move his body. Stan smiled at him, coming closer, giving Kyle a better view of his crashing ocean blue eyes, seeping precious understanding and hidden sweetness into Kyle like an open faucet down a drain. His spine tickled from it, spreading down his fingertips with a thrilling jolt of tiny but powerful electricity. He wiggled them slightly, marvelling at the insane feeling. Stan smiled at him, and hit Kyle low in the gut, spreading warmth through to his whole body, making him feel overheated and pink in colouring. That had never happened to him before. It felt exhilarating. He still couldn’t function, couldn’t move anything. All he could do was breath, and even that right now was a struggle. What was happening?

‘’Hey dude,’’ Stan said, once he was standing right in front of him, staring at him in that impossibly amazing way, like Kyle was the only person worth a damn in the whole school. What was he saying?

Kyle barely managed a smile, but Stan would question him if he acted weird, and then he’d have to explain his odd behaviour. Kyle didn’t think he even knew what was going on himself. Why was he sweating now, flustered under his jacket?

_I’m feeling so obsessed with you_

‘’Stan,’’ Kyle smiled lamely, knowing Stan would be suspicious. He really couldn’t manage anything more, he was frozen in place, even his mouth felt tight and worn from the pathetic attempt to make everything look peachy. His arms were tightened so fucking stiff around his books, he could feel the circulation cutting off. Why? Why now? What was happening? Why was he being like this?

Kyle started to panic, freaked out by his behaviour, just because he looked at Stan.

_Stan_

Stan gave him an odd look, but, thank fucking god, shrugged it off. Kyle’s cheeks were burning so much, he could feel his rapid heartbeat on his face, making him dizzy. He had to sit down, no, he had to get away from Stan. He was obviously the answer to the equation here, Kyle was fine before they crossed paths in the hallway.

_He didn’t want to get away from him, he wanted him closer._

Kyle shook the thought out of his head as soon as it made concrete steps toward his emotions, let alone actions, slightly horrified by himself. And for wanting it.

‘’Kyle? You okay?’’ Stan asked, concern bleeding into his features. Kyle watched his eyebrows crease, making lines on his face that he watched with intrigue. Then he shook himself again, his legs actually aching from the pressure of holding himself up like this, though he probably couldn’t move anyway.

_You left me paralysed_

‘’Uh-huh!’’ Kyle answered quickly. A blatant lie.

‘’Well, we better get to class,’’ Stan said, walking to the door across from them and opening it. Before he walked in, he glanced back at Kyle, holding the door open for him. He waited for Kyle, who found himself unable to move, his body in a frozen state of terror. He would be freaking out, if Stan wasn’t watching him, waiting, smiling like someone who cared about him.

_And now i’m stuck_

Kyle painfully forced his legs to cooperate, dragging unsteadily to the door where Stan awaited him with a confused look. Damn him.

_You got me stuck_

_Fuck it_


	2. Just the way you are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive the song choice, I just think Stan is the kind of guy who grudgingly (secretly) loves cheesy pop and love songs.

It was such a dumb song.

Such a cliche, cheesy romantic fantasy that only ever features in stupid love songs like that. Stan was so annoyed with the whole thing, and most of all himself, because why the fuck did he have it? He hated the song, all of it’s pretend lovey-dovey meaning. But why did he have it?

He had no clue, and it was annoying, how much brain power he spent on it. He wondered if anyone else had ever had that problem, but probably not. Normal people didn’t think about it. They ignored annoying songs, didn’t dwell on them like they meant something despite the cringe.

In the morning, Stan was walking through the halls, thinking about the lyrics of it. It’s not as though he related to the words at all.

_Eyes, make the stars look like their not shining._

He didn’t see anything but his eyes first. Pure green globes of utter perfection. They were almost blinding in their glow, and it would have freaked Stan out if he wasn’t so in love with those goddamn eyes. They were amazing.

Stan walked forward towards Kyle, who stiffened when he saw Stan. He was clutching his books tightly, and staring at Stan as he approached. Stan couldn’t help smile at him, but was distressed. Words were fitting together in a way that worried him.

_Hair, falls perfectly without him trying_

Kyle had given up his beloved ushanka a year ago, when it didn’t fit his head anymore and he could not find any larger replacements. He’s been depressed for a few weeks, and confided in Stan that he was insecure about his hair. Stan knew that, but it was heartening that Kyle told him. And Stan was very pleased with the outcome, because although Kyle doesn’t wear his hat anymore, his hair is free for the first time, and Stan get’s to see it everyday. It’s much calmer than when he was ten anyway, amazing little curls that sprout like jumping beans from his head, obscuring Kyle’s forehead with russet ringlets. He doesn’t even have to try, and he beat’s everyone’s else’s hair. Stan wished he could tell Kyle, but obviously can’t tell his best friend something like that.

_I know, I know, when I compliment him he wont believe me_

It’s times like these where he wonders why he hasn’t been telling Kyle how beautiful he really is every day. Reality always catches up with him, and he just chickens out, humiliated by the prospect that Kyle would laugh at him, call him gay, and worst of all, deny that he is the most gorgeous person Stan’s ever seen. Times like these, where Kyle blushes when he looks as Stan, clutching his books protectively, pensively glancing up at Stan. Stan wonders how he can control himself and how much he wants to lick that perfect red heat off Kyle’s hot cheeks. Kyle would be outraged, most likely, or embarrassed beyond compare, his whole face brightening to an intense shade of red. All the more reason to kiss him.

_Sad to think he don’t see what I see_

‘’Hey dude’’ Stan finally spoke up, stopping the silence he’d realised had hung over them as they stared, or more accurately Stan stared. Kyle kept his impossibly gorgeous eyes trained on him, wide and unblinking, and he didn’t move. Stan’s heart beat harder, worried about this. Did he do something wrong? Even so, he couldn’t help keep gazing fondly at him, taking in every aspect of his face. It was sombre, a little freaked out in his eyes, and Stan was freaked out by how good he could look while looking like he’d just witnessed a murder. He kept this inside, not willing to let Kyle know. Kyle could read his face way too fucking easily.

_When I see your face, there’s not a thing I would change_

‘’Stan’’ Kyle said simply, acknowledging him with a smile. His face broke into a river of pure sunshine and glowing light, and it wasn’t even a big smile. It was restrained, and it only illuminated his green eyes like the bottom of the rainforest floor with a burst of sunlight pouring into its forgotten depths for the first time in months.

_And when you smile_

_The whole world stops and stares for a while_

Stan wasn’t sure if everyone had stopped in their way through halls when Kyle smiled, but it certainly felt like it, and suddenly Stan was feeling jealous, wanting to hoard Kyle’s precious little smiles to himself like a troll with gold under a bridge. He darted his eyes around, prepared to fight anyone who had feeling like Stan did regarding Kyle’s face, and blushed to himself when he realised this was all in his head.

_Cos you’re amazing, just the way you are_

Stan noticed Kyle’s hands shaking around his books, his knuckles very white, and Stan widened his eyes.

‘’Kyle, you okay?’’ Stan asked, now realising how uncharacteristic Kyle was being right now. He’d been trapped in his own head this whole time, and didn’t see that Kyle was looking very panicked. Probably because Stan stared at him like a crazed psychopath for what felt like a full minute without speaking. What the hell was he thinking, he was better than this. Stupid song.

‘’Uh-huh!’’ Kyle said loudly, too enthusiastic to be true. Stan was about to argue this, but he looked into Kyle’s eyes again and saw that he was begging him to not bring it up. Stan shrugged in response, deciding to grant Kyle this for him. Who was he kidding? Stan would do anything Kyle asked of him right now, especially when he communicated with his eyes, that was Stan’s favourite form of speaking between the two of them.

‘’Well, we should get to class’’ Stan said instead. He walked to the door of the classroom across from them, opening it and waiting for Kyle to follow in. He just stared blankly for a few seconds, then blinked rapidly and slowly walked forward to the door, passing Stan and walking inside, avoiding his face. Stan tried not to take it personally, but he knew he was blowing it, gazing like a dumbass at him for ages.

Stan followed him and sat down in his desk, slumping over. Something clicked in his brain, suddenly, and he felt like the biggest retard in the universe. Of course.

That’s what he had in common with the goddamn song.

Fuck Bruno Mars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't figure out the song after this, that's kinda sad (not judging)
> 
> Here it is anyway: It's called Just the way you are by Bruno Mars


	3. Chasing You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suggest listening to Chasing you by Capital Cities during reading this chapter, as it occurs as a non-diagetic music in the chase scene.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUPOG-UfOOk
> 
> I'm addicted to songs, sue me

Stan was sitting in class, staring at the back of Kyle’s head. The work appeared on his desk, he wrote down shit that the teacher asked, but his brain was very firmly glued to the redhead sitting two seats in front of him. Usually they sat beside each other, but Kyle rushed to sit down at the only spare seat at the front, and Stan tried not to take it personally. He knew he was just a retard for staring at Kyle like a lovesick puppy, and he was sure Kyle was freaking out about it, weirded out, and needed time away from him. Stan wasn’t complaining, much, since he was reliably being a dickhead around Kyle anyway right now, and he didn’t want his image to stoop any lower.

The class was painfully long, the teacher droned about pointless crap. Something about history. That’s right, they were in history class. Stan’s brain was like a deflated balloon, incapable of thinking properly, or acknowledging his surroundings. The song was still in his head, but it was no where near as strong when he wasn’t staring at Kyle’s face and understanding the lyrics in a way never possible before. Thinking about his hair, mostly because it’s the only thing he could see right now, bent over his desk, looking like he was writing furiously in his position. Stan was surprised upon watching, and noticing that Kyle’s pen was still at the top of his desk, and Kyle wasn’t using it. He wasn’t doing work.

Stan kept his eyes trained on him, confused and curious about what was going on. Kyle put his head in his hands, looking down. He stayed like that for a while, and then abruptly, as though the guy had eyes at the back on his head, he turned around and looked at Stan. Stan stiffened and widened his eyes, surprised and guilty, hoping Kyle didn’t catch him staring just before. Kyle’s face turned red, and he quickly swung his head back around, straightening his posture.

Stan tried to focus back on the work, to ignore that nearly terrified look Kyle gave him, to not be hurt by it. His concerns changed when Kyle’s hand shot up, drawing Stan’s eyes back to him like a beacon. The teacher paused in their lecture and Kyle stood up, so stiffly and suddenly that Stan flinched.

‘’I have to leave,’’ Kyle said, his voice strained.

‘’What’s wrong, are you sick?’’ the teacher asked.

‘’Yes. I need to leave the classroom,’’ Kyle tersely responded. The teacher gave him an annoyed look, but otherwise sighed and said it was okay. Kyle quickly packed his bag, and basically ran out of the room, his face still red. Stan stared after him in surprise. The teacher turned to him, looking peeved, and Stan shrank a little.

‘’Stanley, can you go after him and make sure he’s okay, take him to the nurse if he needs.’’

Stan nodded, quietly grateful and queasy with the prospect of going after him, having to look into his eyes again, and internally freak out. He packed his own stuff back up, ignoring the snide comments unhelpfully provided by Cartman on his way out. He just couldn’t with him right now.

Trying to find Kyle was like a game of hide and seek, because Stan trekked down the hallways, figuring Kyle couldn’t have gotten far, and found him sitting on the ground in the hallway, curled up on himself. Kyle looked up from himself when he saw Stan, and like a deer in the headlights, widened his eyes and stumbled up from the ground.

‘’Kyle, what-‘’ Stan started walking over to him. Kyle shook his head, walking backwards from Stan with a frightened expression.

‘’No, just leave- please,‘’ Kyle said, backing away and stumbling where he walked, as Stan continued closer, trying to convey a calmness in his movement, as though Kyle actually was a deer. Turns out he was, because when Stan took another step closer, Kyle sprinted off down the hall in fright. Stan watched after him for a moment, shocked, but he quickly shook himself out of it and ran after him, now desperate to talk. Obviously something was going on with him, it wasn’t just Stan’s manic look earlier.

_It'd be nice if you could help me out_

Stan ran after him, turning the corner to find he’d disappeared from sight. Stan raked his fingers through his hair in worry, breathing out and trying to think. He looked around, deciding to turn left, and continued to run. He turned another corner, and found Kyle again, leaning against the lockers with his face in his hands. He gasped and looked up when Stan came towards him again.

_I could find you in the shadow of doubt_

‘’No!’’ Kyle shouted, turning to sprint off again.

‘’For fuck’s sake Kyle!’’ Stan said, running after him again. Kyle was fast when he wanted to be, and that was right now. Stan struggled to keep up with him, having to use muscles that he only exercised during the football season. He followed Kyle into the gym locker room, panting to keep up. This was harder now, he struggled to follow each turn Kyle tried to make to evade him. Stan didn’t even know why he was running, why he wanted to get away from Stan so much, but Stan had to find out.

Stan slowed his pace, glancing through each section of the locker room. He peeked into one, and found Kyle just running through it, escaping to the other side, and turning a corner.

_But you weren't there_

Stan slid down to the next one, finding Kyle run past it, glimpsing his hair as he flicked it back, and leaving the section just as quickly.

_I was there_

Stan kept running, glancing back at each section as he ran through, finding Kyle running in the same direction on the other end of the lockers, only the section of shelves and lockers separating them.

_You weren’t there_

Stan cut through the middle of the section, finding Kyle just a few metres in front of him, looking back with a wide eyes, then running again. Stan ran after him, calling him down, and getting an adamant shout, telling him no.

_Chasing you_

Stan kept running after him feeling delirious, but determined.

_It’s only thing I want to do_

Stan grunted as he sped up to Kyle, and pulled his shirt back, making him stop abruptly. Stan panted, and Kyle turned back to him, looking furious now. He growled and tried to pull Stan’s hand away from his shirt, but Stan relented, and glared at him.

_But now I'm facing you_

As Kyle seethed in his face, livid, Stan realised he had no idea what to do.

_What the hell am I supposed to do_

‘’Kyle, what the hell!’’ Stan said, holding him, not trusting him to bolt again. Kyle looked everywhere but at him, his angry demeanour now frightened again.

‘’No,’’ Kyle repeated, for what felt like the millionth time since this ridiculous chase started.

‘’Why are you running from me?’’ Stan asked, softly, feeling hurt again. Kyle shook his head. Stan loosened his grip, sighing at Kyle with concern. He wanted to help Kyle through this, ignoring his own emotions for now, they were hardly a priority.

Kyle used that moment to rip free from Stan’s grip, and turned on his heels away from Stan again, bolting down the corridor of the locker room.

‘’Aww c’mon!’’ Stan yelled, grunting as he chased after him again. This was getting ridiculous, Stan could almost hear stupid music over his head playing like a looney tunes theme, making fun of the fact that he was going to this effort to be near Kyle, despite Kyle’s insistence to be alone.

He found himself stuck in a wide area, lockers surrounding him, and Kyle nowhere to be seen. Stan manically searched around, seeing nothing, hearing nothing.

_You gave directions that make no sense and now I'm fucking stuck in a loop_

‘’Help me out here, dude,’’ Stan said out loud, pretty sure Kyle hadn’t escaped the whole area yet, Stan would’ve heard him. Stan perked up to the right when he heard a clatter on the ground in the distance. Bingo.

Stan sprinted over, knowing Kyle would be running already, trying to escape him. Stan seriously needed to talk now, he wasn’t ending today until he found Kyle.

_Chasing you_

_It's the only thing I want to do_

Finding Kyle had escaped from the gym locker room, and Stan trailed after him, keeping his fast pace, until Kyle just disappeared from under him, nowhere to be seen. Stan searched everywhere, finding no trace of him. He escaped him, properly this time. Stan groaned, and held his face in frustration. Just thinking about the song. Thinking about how scared and angry Kyle looked at once. Why didn’t he just leave Kyle alone, to deal with this. He obviously didn’t want Stan’s help or company. He should just leave it, go back to class, finish this shitty end to a day.

Even talking to himself, he knew that he wasn’t going to listen to himself. He just needed Kyle, he would be okay once they talked it out, had an understanding, and Stan found out why Kyle was running like a criminal from a cop.

He headed forward, deciding to look all over the school if need be. He would not end today without seeing Kyle again.

_Chasing you_

_Chasing you_


	4. I'm paralysed with the way you are

Kyle rounded the corner and didn’t stop running until his breath caught in his throat and threw him off, panting and heaving into the ground. He’d made it outside, was trying to regain himself with his head in the grass, seeing black dots in his vision. He couldn’t stop, he had to get away. No, he had to hide. He couldn’t handle it.

That classroom had been slowly suffocating him, feeling like everyone could feel his burning face, and was able to read his mind and understand, mock him for it. He didn’t even understand what was happening himself. He’d frozen in front of Stan, hearing an abysmal song blaring through his ears, banging its meaning against his skull until it become impossible to shield himself from the truth. He still hates the song. He hates every word and it’s stupid meaning. And he hates himself the most for being so affected by it.

Class was painful, Kyle was incapable of even picking up his pen and writing the bullshit the teacher was spouting off about. He held his head, staring at his unopened books, his cheeks burning as he pondered the words.

_I’m feeling so obsessed with you_

He knew that was true, but he was afraid of knowing the reason. Yes, Kyle was obsessed with Stan, his best friend, his favourite person, whatever. Why wouldn’t he be? They had a close relationship, Stan let Kyle fall asleep on his desk late afternoons, and moved him to his bed when he was at risk of kinking his neck. So what? That wasn’t some precursor for being in love. It wasn’t.

He’d just turned around, certain he could feel eyes on him from behind, but it was Stan. Staring at him with big, soulful eyes, like he could tell what Kyle was thinking about, why he was so uncapable of doing more than lean down into his desk and hide his red face. It was all he needed, that one glance at Stan, and he knew he’d never get over this.

And before he could calm down and try to measure his pounding chest, he made a decision that felt very appropriate at the time. Get the hell away from this handsome fool before he gets ruined forever.

And of course it didn’t work, because this handsome fool was also a concerned, sentimental fool, and he followed Kyle out and through the school on a wild goose chase that just felt like a huge joke being played on him. And why did he run?

Kyle was still trying to figure that out. It’s like he was switched to autopilot, and his first priority was get out of distance of this perfect idiot before Kyle starts kissing him. That would have been a monumental disaster. He doesn’t even need to think about it to know.

Kyle sat back up from the ground once his breath caught back up, and he hadn’t heard any noise of Stan following him. He assessed his surroundings, holding his chest. He was out the side of the school, the sideway doors that the football team used to go out to field behind him. The football field was further out in the distance, a lingering patch of green that Kyle kept reassessing as a prime spot to wait out the end of the day, since there was no way in hell he was going back inside to deal with that mess. One tall, ocean-eyed, goofy grinned mess.

Walking over to the field, where the large outdoor bleachers lined the side of the grassy field, was a little jolting, considering Kyle had ran faster and harder than he’d ever done before, and now his legs had converted to a jelly-like tangle of limbs, making him stumble a few times. The field and adjacent bleachers were desolated and unused, only being utilised for football practises and Friday night games Kyle always attended for Stan’s games. Even his name was like a chill down Kyle’s spine. Bullshit. Stupid goddamn emo song.

He approached the bleachers, and climbed them to the very top corner, where his location would be the least conspicuous to anyone, not that people typically came here to stew and reconsider their life. That place was reserved for the back of the school, where dumpsters and goths lurked. That would be the first place Stan would look, most likely. Just based on the fact that it would be the first place Kyle looked if Stan was running from him. He didn’t want to consider that though, how he’d feel if the tables were turned, and Stan ignored him to vent a stupid song that was like a breath of suffocating fresh air.

Sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, the sudden silence that followed was also too excruciating, because that only meant Kyle was left alone with his dangerous thoughts. He quickly pulled out his phone and earbuds, tapping through his songs and trying to find the most mellow one, something that would soften his emotions enough or him to form a rational plan for what the hell he was going to do. He couldn’t avoid Stan forever, he couldn’t fake being sick forever. He found the music gave him peace and inspiration for how to handle this catastrophe.

The catastrophe being Kyle’s sudden realisation that he maybe, might, slightly be desperately in love with Stan, that’s reliably freaked him into a hole in the ground.

Scrolling through songs, he had to avoid a wide range that he was already aware would make him think about this more, and he needed to get away from them. All of these love songs that would not help him out more than make him depressed.

Mr Brightside? Nope!

Landslide? Not on Stan’s happiness.

Houdini?

This one seemed the most realistic to Kyle’s current emotions, and he let the music play as he stared out onto the field, his chin resting on his knees.

_Fast enough it's hard to hide_

His mind kept reverting back to after he skipped out on class, finding Stan running after him in the halls with a worried face. It was like being hit by a car, that sudden flood of panic that coursed through him, making him feel two things. _No_ , and _run_.

_Sometimes I want to disappear_

The words of the playing song felt personally tailored to Kyle, and this was what he needed, that verbal confirmation that the singer understood how Kyle is feeling, and that it’s okay to just avoid the inevitable end. That end being Stan finding out, and thusly never speaking to him again. Because there was no other result that could occur if he did. He feels the same and they make out into oblivion? Ha.

Kyle’s playlist was long, an embarrassing combination of classic hits, one hit wonders and phony love songs that he secretly enjoyed before all this shit happened. He’ll probably have to clear it all if he wants to have a decent brain function ever again. The next thing lined up after Houdini was Karma Chameleon. That song felt so ridiculous in this context that he skipped it before the lyrics even began.

The following one took Kyle a moment to place the next one, but as soon as he heard the falsetto voice sinking through the tune, Kyle’s heart beat faster and fumbled to change it. He was in a way too fragile state of mind to hear how deep his love is. The one he changed to was a dramatic improvement. Moonage Daydream. Yeah, that was easier to handle.

He didn’t really ponder and think as much as he’d have liked, as much as listlessly stare out below him from the high seats of the bleachers and watch the sun fade from the grass, approaching afternoon. He didn’t know how long he’d been here. Not as long as he’d liked. He’d only listened to a few songs.

He would’ve liked to just ditch school and head home, try to sleep this off, but his mother was there, doing her personal activist work from her office, and she would end the sun if she knew he’d skipped. So his only remaining option was to ride out the rest of the day here, and ponder his life while listening to 70’s art rock.

He didn’t plan to consider the fact that his ears blocked by the music would hinder his ability to scout anyone approaching, until it was too late. He only caught them in his peripheral vision, and by then he was stuck in this corner, trapped.

Stan came up the seats to Kyle, as Kyle’s face got hot and shuffled into the smallest space of the furthest seat he could. The tune of the song suddenly felt intrusive, so Kyle paused it and ripped out his earphones, heart hammering as Stan let out a long breath and took a seat beside him.

‘’What the fuck, Kyle,’’ Stan sighed, giving Kyle a long sad look. Kyle quickly darted his eyes away, hoping to anyone that Stan couldn’t detect his loud pumping chest. Who was he kidding? He was so fucked.

Kyle didn’t respond, too terrified of what he’d do if he spoke. It’s like the presence of Stan made him freeze entirely. He’ll never stop cursing that goddamn song.

Stan looked back down, out to the field, where Kyle’s sight was currently forcibly lined. He was holding himself tightly, his knees drawn up to his chest, and only realised this is what he did last time Stan came up to him when he looked at his hands cinched tightly around his legs. They were white again.

‘’I just want to know what’s wrong,’’ Stan said, his voice quiet. Kyle made the mistake of glancing at him for a second, and immediately forced his gaze straight ahead again, blushing. Even sombre, or maybe because of it, Stan looked regal in this setting afternoon light, his features softly illuminated into something that tugged at Kyle’s heart in a way he couldn’t recover.

‘’You don’t,’’ Kyle said softly, shaking his head fervently. Stan sighed again.

‘’You shouldn’t have followed me. Go back to class, please,’’ Kyle said, now worrying about Stan getting in trouble. Putting that above his own concerns was helpful, at least he could look at Stan now without disintegrating.

‘’The teacher sent me to make sure you made it to sick bay okay. They don’t give a crap, and neither do I. Why did you run away from me back there?’’ Stan asked. Kyle held himself tighter, shaking his head.

‘’I don’t know.’’ _Liar_. ‘’I wasn’t feeling great,’’ Kyle violently shrugged, an understatement at best. Stan was frowning, obviously not believing that bullshit. Kyle had always been a shit actor.

‘’Why didn’t you let me help you, if you weren’t okay? You know that’s what I’m here for,’’ Stan said.

‘’I know, Stan. I’m sorry, I just can’t explain it to you,’’ Kyle said, looking back down, fiddling with the earbud between his fingers. Stan put his hand on Kyle’s shoulder, and Kyle flinched for half a second, then tried to relax. It was a comforting gesture, but it mostly made him feel worse. Comforting friend, right. All that platonic bullshit. Here’s to the next 10 years of that crap before Kyle works up the nerve to tell him to stop because he jerks off to the thought of his hand reverently touching other places. Okay, _no_. Stop.

‘’You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Do you want me to leave?’’ Stan asked, his tone so sad that Kyle looked over to him again. His heart broke when he glanced into Stan’s eyes. They were like reflections of a stormy sea, where a broken sailor searches for something he knows is hopeless. Shit, Kyle wasn’t usually this flowery. Stan was just contagious.

‘’No, just stay. Just don’t talk about before, forget it happened. I’m fine,’’ Kyle said. Stan still looked sad, but his face brightened a little at being asked to stay. They sat there silently for a while. Kyle untucked his legs from his chest, and sat normally, looking out into the field, clutching his phone, with the music paused. He considered playing it again, but decided listening alone while Stan silently sat beside him was too awkward. Stan seemed to notice it anyway.

‘’What were you listening to?’’ Stan asked, pointing to the phone with the earbuds plugged in. Kyle blushed again, for some reason.

‘’Um, David Bowie,’’ Kyle said, a little embarrassed. He knew his song preferences weren’t popular to other people their age, even if he knew Stan didn’t judge him for it.

‘’Oh cool,’’ Stan said, taking one earbud and putting it in his ear closest to Kyle. Kyle took the other, and put it in, pressing play on the song. It was nearly over, but it’s continuous tune made it recognizable. Stan grinned when he heard it, raising his eyebrows to Kyle, who shoved him with his shoulder, feigning annoyance of his criticism. This was the thing about Stan, he could make Kyle feel so alone and exposed sometimes, but then he makes him feel like he’s never not had him linked at his side, always ready to make him feel better and comforted in a way no one else can. It was exhausting sometimes, but Kyle couldn’t bear not having it in his life.

The song ended, and Kyle just let the next one play, hoping it wouldn’t be a love song. He grinned wider than he had all day when he recognized the sharp singer and their lyrics. Stan was grinning at Kyle just as widely.

_Carry on my wayward son_

‘’Dude, this song rules,’’ Stan said, nodding along with the first lyrics and then the first guitar riffs. Kyle had to agree, but probably for different reasons. He had a very specific love for this song, not really even for the timeless riffs. It was because that song represented him and Stan back when they fought over Guitar Hero, and had one of the few fights that was big enough to bring them even closer together once they made up. Kyle had been feeling sensitive about his worth, as expected, and Stan made it up to him in a way that went unspoken between them, and to this day has remained very close to his heart.

By the time the first instrumental tunes had ended and the lyrics began again, Stan and Kyle were singing along, unable to resist.

_Once I rose above the noise and confusion_

_Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion_

They followed the words, staring at each other as they sang the notes, pointing at each other to continue. Kyle was sure they looked like fools from anyone else’s view, but they didn’t care. Kyle was remembering the old days, where he’d play along the notes on his plastic guitar controller, exchanging knowing smirks with Stan beside him as they decimated the other boys scores. He smiled as he sang, knowing from Stan’s face that he was thinking the same thing.

_I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high_

They continued to belt the lyrics out into the cold afternoon air, only the grass on the football field hearing them sing like overexcited idiots, beating their heads to the instrumental parts, like it’s the greatest song of all time. It very well may be, in Kyle’s books.

They were laughing against each other like stupid 13 year old’s making a prank call by the time the song ended, and momentarily, Kyle had forgotten anything was wrong or different. At least he did until he heard the next song, which froze him again.

_Do you hear me,_

_I'm talking to you_

‘’I’ll skip this,’’ Kyle said hurriedly, fumbling to change the song, cursing himself internally for even having it. Stan grabbed his arm.

‘’No, I like this one!’’ Stan said, holding Kyle’s arm from changing the song. Kyle flushed, humiliated by the upcoming lyrics, ones that related to him in a way he wished could be skipped, but Stan was still holding his arm, nodding his head along with the smooth pace of the singer.

_I keep you with me in my heart_

Oh god, no. Kyle looked away, his face burning with shades he was sure didn’t even exist. This is why he was avoiding the love songs, for this very reason, and Stan listening to them right alongside him made it so much worse. They hit too close. He couldn’t take it.

_You make it easier when life gets hard_

He did.

_I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend_

Kyle seemed to turn to Stan at the same moment those words were sang in the chorus. Stan was staring back with wide eyes, his lips parting softly as the rest of the chorus played. Kyle was staring back, feeling the pang of frozen terror that turned into a calm gaze, looking right into the soul of Stan’s eyes, and feeling comforted when he saw they contained everything.

_They don't know how long it takes_

_Waiting for a love like this_

They continued staring, until the instrumental began again, and Kyle blinked, and turned away with a heavy pounding heart. He tried hard to measure his breathing, and closed his eyes when it didn’t work. He felt Stan’s hand on his shoulder again, and it was like a furnace exploding a feather on its touch, making Kyle heat up all over his body, and swelter. He thanked as many gods as he could think of when the song finally ended, and cursed all the gods in the world when the next song was probably the only one that could contend with _Lucky_.

Kyle tried again to skip the song with a shaking hand when he realised what it was, and Stan just batted it away and frowned at him, his brows furrowed like he was perplexed. Kyle held his face with his hands when the first words slithered out.

_I'm not in love_

_So don't forget it_

It’s the only thing that could’ve made this worse, a whole song about his denial, blatantly spouted out there for Stan to know that the stupid faltering with the previous song, was only confirmed with this one.

He knew Stan was staring at him, he knew he was figuring this out, but it did not make Kyle stop hiding from it anyway. The song continued, and it only made it more painful, that silence only cut through with the mellow sound.

_I'm not in love, no no,_

_it's because_

Through the torturous flowing music of 10cc, Kyle felt Stan’s arm slowly wrapping around both his shoulders, hugging him close. The warmth was nice, a different kind to his sweltering flush. Kyle removed his hands from his face, and breathed out, glancing at him for a second. He was expecting concern, pity, eyes that showed him it was okay, and that he would help Kyle get over this. What he saw was heavy eyes, parted lips breathing even heavier, and a red face. Kyle turned to Stan, mostly in confusion, but the words on his tongue dying when he kept staring, and Stan stared back. He could feel Stan’s breath on his upper lip, and suddenly realised they were closer than usual.

_Ooh you'll wait a long time for me_

_Ooh you'll wait a long time_

Kyle’s eyes glanced down to Stan’s lips multiple times, widening in surprise when he realised Stan was doing the same to him. The instrumentals resumed in the song again, and it’s as though they both knew in synchronisation when the sharper beat of sound hit their ears, they simultaneously collided with each other, matching the tune of the music as they kissed, opening their mouths and latching onto each other like a riotous eruption.

Kyle grabbed Stan’s face with both hands, licking into him desperately and hungrily, and heating up in a way different from embarrassment when Stan’s hands gripped his waist, pulling him even closer, sliding him along the metal bleachers so they could fully connect.

_I'm not in love_

The words were still ringing in between both of their ears, acting as a background sound to the wet sounds of their kissing, their tongues closely wrapped, creating a mess of spittle around Kyle’s lips where Stan kept moving his mouth, trying to devour him.

_I'm not in love_

_I'm not in love_

He’s in love.

They kept kissing even as the song ended, and a long silence between songs acted as a hiatus in a way that they finally leapt away for breath, panting heavily against each other, with half-closed eyes. Kyle’s heart was at risk of a heart attack, just based on how much it had fluctuated just today. Just finding Stan staring back at him, with a heavy look, was so overwhelming that he jumped when the next song played, in a complete opposite tune to _I’m not in love_. Stan was still holding him tightly, his fingers cinching around his waist in a slightly possessive way, and Kyle slid his hands so they were cradling Stan’s neck.

‘’When I'm with you baby, I go out of my head,’’ Stan sang at the same time as the lyrics when they started. Kyle raised his eyebrows, charmed, if not embarrassed. Stan put his forehead on Kyle’s, and closed his eyes, singing along with the tagline.

_I just can't get enough_

Kyle laughed under his breath in a completely delirious way, and leaned forward to lick Stan’s lips open again. And they opened gladly, sliding against Kyle’s tongue with a perfect warm heat. The song seemed both wildly inappropriate for the slower pace they took, and extremely perfect for how they were feeling right now, repeating those same lyrics until Kyle couldn’t get enough of them. His panic had been dissolved as soon as Stan’s lips touched his, finally. It’s all he needed all along, and he just couldn’t get enough.

Time passed and they continued making out on the top of the football field bleachers, varying from tongue clashing ferocity and soft lipped pecks, depending on the speed of each song that played before their ears. It’s as though the songs were dictating their lives. Kyle thought it was very true, considering it did start with a song. Though his feelings had only been confirmed by the song. The song didn’t love Stan, wasn’t kissing him now like his life was finally complete, and he’d treasure the prize forever.

His thought processes were still mostly scrambled, only capable of thinking of the feeling of Stan’s lips against his own, the soft wet heat, the tight grip Stan held him in. It was actually happening, it wasn’t a dream. Kyle would’ve been able to tell, surely. No, it was real. When Stan smiled against his lips like he could hardly believe it was real either, that proved to him it was. There was another pause in between songs on the playlist, and Stan laughed when the next one was demonic sounding laughter, grinning at Kyle for having it. Kyle rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling pretty wide.

Feel Good Inc, by Gorillaz. It wasn’t the most suited song for this moment, but it was still good. Kyle liked the band, anyway. Like it better than Mystery Skulls anyway.

‘’Stan,’’ Kyle said. Stan was gazing at him intently, nodding along to the song as it played.

‘’Yeah?’’ Stan asked, hugging him tighter.

‘’I’m sorry about earlier, for running away,’’ Kyle said. Stan shook his head.

‘’It’s okay, I just worry about you. You seemed really freaked out,’’ Stan said. Kyle bit his lip, wondering if he should say it, but no. They kissed, that means Stan likes him, he won’t turn away.

‘’I was thinking about a song, when I first saw you today. You might recall I stood there staring like a terrified scarecrow, it was because of this,’’ Kyle said, getting his phone and scrolling through his songs until he found the one that started it all. He pressed play, letting Stan listen. Before the first lyrics began, Stan guffawed.

‘’I know this one. Paralysed by Mystery Skulls,’’ Stan said, leaning closer to him.

‘’But just listen. I’ve been obsessed with the words, and I was thinking of them when I saw you this morning,’’ Kyle said, holding his finger up, waiting for the chorus to start.

_You got me hypnotised_

_I’m feeling so obsessed with you_

_You've left me paralysed_

_And now I'm stuck,_

_You've got me stuck_

Stan was frowning, and looked up at Kyle with an unreadable expression. Kyle only realised then that his legs were firmly wrapped around Stan’s waist where they sat.

‘’That’s nothing. Guess what I was hearing in my head when I saw you,’’ Stan said, turning that somewhat serious expression into a grin. Kyle grinned too, mostly because they were both hearing songs about each other at the same time. How’s that for cliché romance.

‘’What were you hearing?’’ Kyle asked, resting his arms on Stan’s shoulders. Stan went red, which was adorable.

‘’You’ll laugh,’’ Stan said. Kyle smiled harder, determined to know now.

‘’Here, I’ll play it,’’ Stan said. Kyle passed him the phone, watching Stan scroll through the songs Kyle had, and typing up another when he didn’t have it, hiding what it was from Kyle. Kyle waited, mostly patiently, though he’d rather Stan’s lips on his again.

Stan put the phone back down with the screen hidden, and they listened for the first words. There was a soft humming from a singer, and Kyle frowned, trying to recall it. Oh, right.

Fucking Bruno Mars.

Kyle suppressed a laugh, knowing Stan would probably be hurt, but he was smiling, staring at Kyle.

_She's so beautiful and I tell her everyday_

‘’So I’m a girl now?’’ Kyle asked, still smiling, mostly blushing. The song was the cheesiest thing ever, but the fact that Stan thought of it, it was his version of the love struck song, was so heart-warming that he forgave the nature of the song.

‘’I wanted so bad to tell you, every time I see you. You’re so goddamn beautiful I could die,’’ Stan said, completely serious. Kyle laughed that time, but he kissed Stan right afterwards in apology, though he didn’t believe it himself. Stan was beautiful.

‘’I thought you were freaked out by me for staring for hours this morning,’’ Kyle said, feeling much better that this was getting out there. It was devouring his insides. Stan laughed.

‘’I thought the same. You were holding your books so tight I thought you’d lose circulation. I was terrified I’d spooked you off,’’ Stan said, resting his forehead against Kyle’s as the lyrics sang out in a pleasant chime.

_'Cause you're amazing_

_Just the way you are_

Kyle blushed in giddy joy, and Stan held his face in his hands, tilting him up to face him.

‘’You are amazing,’’ Stan said, staring at him very solemnly. Kyle was tempted to laugh it off again, but he was yet again entranced by Stan’s eyes, freezing him still.

‘’I’m paralysed with the way you are,’’ Kyle said, speaking the truth, no matter how foolishly sentimental it was. Stan deserved it, deserved everything.

‘’I love you,’’ Stan and Kyle said at the same time, laughing when they realised they had. It was such a cliché unlikely story that it was unbearably cringey, but Kyle didn’t care. He could cringe at all the songs in the world that conveyed love, but they were still true.

Stan and Kyle were living fucking proof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> List of songs used in this fic in order:  
> -Paralysed by Mystery Skulls  
> -Just the way you are by Bruno Mars  
> -Chasing you by Capital Cities  
> -Houdini by Foster the people  
> -Moonage Daydream by David Bowie  
> -Carry on wayward Son by Kansas  
> -Lucky by Jason Mraz, Colbie Caillat  
> -I'm not in love by 10cc  
> -Just can't get enough by Depeche Mode  
> -Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so in love with the band Capital Cities, for the unique weirdness of some of their songs, it just suits me and my style, and I like to model some of their songs into my fics, even if they aren't mentioned. It's just kind of like a combination of stoner and techno (My vibe)
> 
> This whole fic is just drabble around some songs that somehow start a style story (alliteration, kids. Stay in school)
> 
> [Follow me if you choose :3](https://www.instagram.com/lozislaw/)


End file.
